i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
