the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
