He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
