You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
