I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
