..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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