That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
there was a trapeze. enough said
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
