Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
