Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
