First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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