I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
