I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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