Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
