I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
