She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she peed on how many people?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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