I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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