Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
