on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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