Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
