that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
