It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
