I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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