How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
