it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
