she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
