It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
