I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
