i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
