I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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