sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
