how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
