Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
