Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
