I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
