I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
