he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
