NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
