my mouth tastes like poor choices
You can't motorboat a personality
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
