Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
