i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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