Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
