We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
