Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
