The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
