I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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