he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
