sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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