Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I touched a dick in church today
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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