At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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