There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
