I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
