Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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