i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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