you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
