I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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