my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
