they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Randomize
