God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
