My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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