I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
